


Handle With Care

by EclipsedImpala (LoveDrift)



Series: Fearless: A Tale of the Infinite, Immeasurable Strength of Dean Winchester [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: And it breaks Dean, Angry Castiel (Supernatural), Angst, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel Takes Care of Dean Winchester, Castiel Wants Dean Winchester to be Happy, Castiel and Dean will make love, Castiel made me do it, Castiel/Dean Winchester Feels, Castiel/Dean Winchester in the Men of Letters Bunker, Confusion, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Dean Winchester Needs Castiel, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Dean thinks way too much, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Lovesick Dean Winchester, M/M, Poor Dean really beats himself up, Protective Castiel, Sam Winchester gets the wrong idea, Self-Discovery, Self-Harm, Sexual Confusion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-07 11:26:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17365049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveDrift/pseuds/EclipsedImpala
Summary: Dean has only ever had one night stands. Except for two occasions: Cassie, and Lisa. Both EPIC failures. Both lacking true intimacy. A real connection. He's heard about butterflies in your tummy and the leg 'pop' when ya kiss. Big nada with those two. But, uh, these butterflies? Well, he's got 'em now. Big time. All thanks to his Angel. And, yeah, he can't take his eyes off Cas. They have these... Moments. It's driving him crazy and he has no clue why. Cas is a dude. A dude Dean is fantasizing about. Maybe he just needs to rub one out. To Cas.And Dean tries. And tries. And tries. But he can't shut off his brain.Apparently he must have been calling out for Cas, 'cuz now Cas is in his room, on his bed, and, and...salivating over his nakedness...an'its so freakin' HOT.





	1. You're My Angel

**Author's Note:**

> When a sentence of dialogue occurs italicized with quotes it is Cas or Dean speaking telepathically through their bond. 
> 
> In my most humble of thoughts and opinions, I love to imagine they can speak to one another through the bond as well as "push" feelings/emotions over it so that they feel each other intimately.

Dean inhales sharply, gasping blissfully. “C-Caaaaassssssss…” a wanton hiss of pleasure. He arches his back, muscles taut, body glistening from sweat. The hunter claws at the sheets, mewling helplessly, lost in perfect ecstasy. “Mm...Damn, Fuck...juh…juh--damn--jus, just like thahhhhhhh…ahhh, mmm, th-aahht f-feels...So...So gooood...." Dean groans, falling limp and boneless to the mattress. His hips cant upwards, thigh muscles twitching and jumping out of his control. He bites his lower lip and spreads his legs wider, giving in with a shy smile.

 

 

 _Dun’even know how we got ta this point…but I sure as shit ain’t complaining!_ Dean rolls his pelvis forward into a very, _very_ welcoming, wet heat. 

 

 

A needy groan escapes his parted lips, and Dean opens an eye to peer down between his spread legs to see Cas deep throat him over and over while staring ardently up at him like he’s a fucking _god_ , and that damn near does Dean in right then and there. 

 

 

_Those damn baby blues._

 

 

Suddenly Dean's lungs seize; his breath stalling out somewhere between awe and disbelief, as he watches Cas, who has a downright _sinful_ smirk on his face, _Angel my fine ass_ , release his swollen erection only to caress the head of his dick with an obscenely talented tongue. 

 

 

Dean just stares, slack-jawed and drooling, transfixed. He gasps, softly whimpering, watching his dick jump, and Cas teasingly chase after it with that delicious tongue of his. 

 

 

"Oh ffffuck..." Dean’s voice is rough with lust. Where in the hell did Cas learn this shit?! _And who the fuck am I send'n the--Fuck that's guh—uuuuuuhd--th-thank yuh card...t-to?_

 

 

Grooooaaan.…

 

 

"Fuck... C-Cas..."

 

 

Dean's head thunks back against the bed, pillow long since discarded. He crosses his arms over his face, not knowing what to do with himself. His legs close and then fall open because Cas’ hair tickles the inside of his knees. He giggles; He blushes. Dean doesn’t know what to do. His toes curl into the sheets, he digs his heels in, he flops his legs. He’s never, ever, felt like this. 

 

 

And it ain’t just the blow job. It’s something deeper. Visceral. Much, much, _much_ more intense, more _intimate_ than anything he has _ever_ felt in his entire life with anyone. Ever. This…whatever it is, with Cas, is beyond label, undefinable. Is this what…what…that word means? Before Dean can devote any further thought to deciphering it, a bolt of lightening pleasure bursts white hot through his veins.

 

 

So damn hot. Soooooo damn hot....God, he’s never ever never ever felt this awesome, amazing--it’s unreal; being so full of such enormous pleasure, his soul is singing, his freakin' toes are curling. That damn angel has his heart beating—throbbing, thundering—in time with his, uh, breathing?

 

 

 _“Sensual panting, Dean. That is the word you are searching for. Sensual. You, Dean, are panting sensually, and it is really turning me on. I believe that is the proper vernacular, yes?”_

 

Dean nods slowly, eyes wide with wonder, hands curled in fists pressed against his chest. 

 

 

_“You are so incredibly beautiful, Dean.”_

 

 

Cas' voice is raspy, and, dear lord unbelievably sexy in Dean's head; Where he hears it.

 

_Still trying ta wrap my head, heh, head, around that one. Freakin’ crazy, man. Can’t tell whether I’m doing it or not; everything is intertwined._

 

In his soul where he _feels_ it. _And I love it._

 

Sensual panting it is then. Dean's face heats up right along with his body. Beautiful. Cas called him beautiful. Beautiful. _Cas called me beautiful. I…I…’M not. Cas is crazy, ‘cuz, yeah, I’m so not beautiful. Like at all._ "’M’not, but, but thanks, darlin'," Dean blushes furiously, giddy and breathless, smiling bashfully.

 

 

 _“Beautiful, Dean. Absolutely beautiful.”_ Cas affectionately watches Dean, so completely in love. However, the one thing Castiel does not love is the self-loathing Dean is drowning in. It devastates Cas that Dean has so much enmity towards himself. Well, he’ll just have to change Dean’s mind then. And he will start by saturating their bond full of: _Adorable. Beautiful. Perfect. Intelligent. Beautiful. Good. Worthy. Beautiful in soul, mind, and body. Sexy.Everything he desires._ Cas pushes how much he loves Dean, and how much pleasure Castiel feels _giving_ pleasure to Dean, while Dean is feeling his own pleasure receiving in the hopes of increasing Dean’s pleasure exponentially. 

 

 

Apparently it worked.

 

 

“Cas, man…I, damn, Cas…” The emotions Cas sends to Dean have him nearly in tears. He’s touched. And, maybe, maybe he _is_ beautiful? Cas is damn sure making him feel that way.

 

 

Cas grins wickedly and swallows Dean whole right down to his balls, absolutely delighting in Dean’s shout of surprised bliss and his writhing hips. _“If my mouth was not full of you, Dean, I would be shouting in pleasure as well. Though, I must have it known that I am partial to having you down my throat.”_

 

 

Once again, Dean nearly explodes down his Halo’s throat. “H-Holy, HOLY SHIT! CAS!” Hot damn that is one hell of a turn on! 

 

 

Hot air puffs out from the angel's flaring nostrils buried in Dean's soft, dark blonde lockes, tickling just enough that Dean squirms, his lips curling upward along with his hips, lashes fluttering as he bashfully turns his head into his hand-printed shoulder.

 

 

Dean can't help smiling anymore than he can his full body blushing, trembling, and squirming. _I'm fucking blushing! While getting a blow job?! That's a first!_

 

And that thought has him giggling soft and throaty, until a hot tongue sweeps under then up and all around the head of his dick before dipping softly between the swollen, weeping opening, and holy shit that has him howling in wanton arpeggios.

 

 

 _That tongue!_ "Uhhhhnnnn, Cas! Mmnnmmm," That tongue is hungrily exploring the head of his dick with relentless abandon. "Cas..." He whispers the angel's name with reverence. “Cas…Cas…Cas…Caaaaaaaaaasssss.”

 

 

That mouth...hollowing cheeks…

 

 

"Uhnnnn...ooooooh...mmm....uh huh...fuck...Mmm..." Dean squirms, beside himself in ecstasy. Tossing his head from side to side, chest heaving, he flicks his own tongue out, licking his swollen lips, biting his bottom one between throaty groans and helpless whimpers of “Cas.” 

 

 

Dean cannot help the guttural moan that slowly leaves his ‘O’ shaped parted lips. His back arches, his thighs quiver…

 

…and Dean falls apart.

 

 

Hands ghost over and under his trembling thighs to curl over his hips, pulling him deeper, closer, into that fucking awesome mouth.

 

 

His dick goes deep, deep, deeper, down into that goddamn poetic vacuum.

 

 

He groans and whimpers, moaning, praising, calling out Cas’ designation over and over, without end, writhing in an intense, soul deep ecstasy.

 

 

Castiel can’t help himself: He watches Dean come apart, and it is the single most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Dean is gorgeous like this. Especially like this. Dean’s back is arching, his head is tossing side to side; sweat is glistening across his entire body. Dean’s hands fist the sheets as he writhes in passion, and Cas simply cannot steal his eyes from the sight of Dean. Dean with his guard down, at peace. Dean letting himself actually *be* Dean. Trusting Cas. Trusting that Cas will not hurt him; That he is safe. 

 

Cas moans around Dean’s engorged member, and swirls his tongue. Dean cries out “Castiel!” with his mouth, while Dean’s soul professes his undying love for Cas. Tears fill Cas’ eyes from Dean’s heartfelt declaration. Cas is certain his human is clueless about it. That’s okay though. Cas knows. Dean knows, even if he can’t admit it or express it, he knows. And so he slips his hand free from underneath Dean to worship Dean’s stomach, whatever Cas can reach, he just want more contact, with the hand he used to free Dean from perdition.

 

 

Dean is panting and sweating; so close. So close. He feels it deep within his fucking soul. It's sparkling, electrified, coruscating. He feels Cas gliding his hand over his stomach and Dean practically purrs, arching into the touch, desperate for more, more, more contact. “Oh, Casssss….” He awkwardly gropes for Cas’ hand and entwines their fingers together when he finds it, squeezing it tight. “Castiel…”

 

 

Everything is glowing.

 

Pure. 

 

And beautiful.

 

It’s…it’s something Dean’s been craving, yearning for his entire life. It’s what his soul has needed; what his soul has been trying to tell him for a long time. What he _knows_. He’s _always_ known.

 

It’s what John stomped down on without a second thought. As if Dean’s feelings were discarded cigarette butts , crushed under the twist of steel toe boots. It’s what John violently ripped from Dean every single time Dean needed a hug, a loving touch; All the times, and there were a whole lot of those times, he was in dire need of comfort and affection; Simple validation of his worth, his intelligence; The approval, the pride of a parent to their child. When Dean needed to be nurtured, _loved_ , he was beaten and abandoned. 

 

The ‘It’, scares the shit outta him. 

 

Dean is lost to it. Helpless in his need for it.

 

Craves it.

 

Dean is addicted and he's fucking terrified.


	2. Only With You Am I Me

A short time ago, as Castiel was on his way to the showers, clad only in boxers and a t-shirt, he had felt a sudden onslaught of intense arousal, confusion, and anguished pleading from Dean. It was staggering in its intensity, and hopelessness. Cas had immediately sped to Dean’s quarters and nearly ripped the door from the hinges.And what he saw had taken his breath away and broken his heart.

 

Dean was naked and spread eagle on his bed, desperately trying to masturbate. And failing. Frustration and misery were carved into his beautiful features, tension vibrated through his muscles, and from the red, swollen welts along his pelvis, it was evident Dean had been hitting himself as well. Castiel could not stand Dean being in such abject misery, so he decided to rid Dean of any and all suffering. Immediately. Dean had looked up at Cas with wide, frightened eyes from the bed, startled, and had turned his head away. Dean’s self-loathing had been palpable; the shame and humiliation Dean had felt, fiercely burned in their bond. Dean had not been able move nor had he been able to look at Cas. 

 

But Castiel was not detoured though. He had gone over to Dean, sat beside him, offered to help, and Cas had certainly not missed the way Dean’s flaccid penis had shot right back up to attention with the erection to end all erections. 

 

Cas has seen plenty of erections in his days from observing humanity, as he had always found human copulation to be fascinating. Over the years, as Castiel’s love for Dean had deepened, and Dean's feelings toward him began to change from close friendship to desire and love, that Cas needed to be _prepared_ should things develop to where they inevitably would. So, Cas had sought an education and gave himself a (self-proclaimed) Doctor of Philosophy, PhD, in the Erotic Arts of Male Pleasure. Cas was eager to apply his education. Nothing, however, could have prepared him for how…immense and beautiful and glorious and…and…mouthwatering Dean’s rather large and _thick_ phallus was. Needless to say, Cas was staring. Intently. Apparently, he had licked his lips, and Dean had quipped, “See something ya like there, Cas?” albeit with an unsure tremble to his voice, and extremely bright red flush to his cheeks. At that moment Cas had found that Dean’s soul had brightened considerably, and Cas had detected hope alongside the fear and uncertainty in their bond. Dean’s extreme arousal had announced itself once again: strained erection and exuded pre-cum. Cas had looked from Dean’s groin to Dean’s face, smiled and asked for consent. Dean had given Cas that adorable, self-deprecating smile and nodded. But a nod was not consent in the way Cas _and Dean_ (though Dean would not admit that) needed it to be, so Cas had told Dean that Cas needed him to be very clear in what Dean desired and was consenting to. There is no grey in this area to Cas : It’s either Yes or No. 

 

So, here they are. 

 

Cas returns his thoughts to present, slowly suckling Dean’s cock while using his hand to stroke him in the same rhythm, watching Dean intently, gauging for any negative reaction. He knows Dean’s thought are divided; One part of thought working out if Dean deserves this and what it means, the other dedicated fully to enjoying this. And that’s just fine with Cas. So long as it is still what Dean wants.

 

This is, after all, entirely about Dean and his needs. Cas makes sure Dean knows that _Dean is in control_. 

 

Whatever _Dean_ wants.

 

Whatever Dean needs.

 

Castiel wants to show Dean this is about love, not just sexual pleasure.

 

 

This is more than…this is…this is about… _it_ , not just sexual pleasure. 

 

And _it_ scares the shit outta Dean.

 

It scares Dean because he has never felt such a desperate need… _craving_ , to be as close as he possibly can to another person in his life. He’s yearning to meld as one with Cas. Their profound bond isn’t enough. Dean is desiderate for more. Every time he’s around the angel he can’t take his eyes off him. Can’t help looking at Cas’ lips and then licking his lips…because…because…fuck...because…He wants to tip his head down; Wants ta touch, feel Cas’ lips pressed against his. God help him he wants to _taste_ Cas. Every single time he’s around the damn angel Dean wants to get closer. _As close as possible._ Steal a touch. Anything. He’s aching for Cas, and bereft without.

 

Dean grouses about Cas invading his personal space, but that’s only because he’s afraid it will be s’damn obvious he covets for it. And badly. Dean is also absolutely terrified that if Cas gets any closer Dean will lose control and listen to his heart, his soul, pulling Cas closer until nothing separates them. Till their bodies are pressed tight together, moving as one, and then Cas will smash their lips together, or Cas will hug him. Fuck he loves it when Cas hugs him. Damn it all but he wants a Cas hug. But if Cas hugs or touches him, he’s gonna fall apart. Even more. 

 

Dean is just so, so sad. He feels utterly unworthy of being loved. Of anything. So fucking worthless. And he’s just so incredibly lonely. Dean doesn’t know what he wants or who he is anymore. All he knows it that he’s so damn tired of having to be strong. Tired of pretending. Damn tired. Everyone expects him not to break. To be ‘fine’. They expect him to say he’s fine so they don’t have to be burdened with him. Especially Sam. Sam expects Dean to deal, to not be weak. It’s his own fault, really, not like he ever opened up to Sam. Sam tried, but Dean always had the distinct impression that Sam really didn’t care; Like Sam was just doing what Sam thought Sam was _supposed_ to do. Sometimes Dean thinks Sam gets off on his pain or any display of weakness, or worse, when his mask slips. It’s just a weird, insistent feeling he gets and he duddin’ like it. Sam is his brother. But be damned if half the time he can’t stand to be around Sam with those weird, angry, judgemental looks Sam sends his way. And that hurts.

 

It hurts a lot. Dean is already broken. Always has been. He is vulnerable and emotional and fragile. Needy. ‘Feminine’, as his Dad would say, and then dear old shit-faced Dad would follow that up with: ‘Ya look the part too, Dean. Christ, m’son lookschlike a fucking girl. Pretty. You’re fucking pretty, Dean. Jesus, Dean, y’really are a girl. Shu’whor’yuh out. Thank God yur brofher don’t look like that.'

 

_Stop it.Gotta stop thinking about Dad. Think about Cas. Cas…and where his mouth is…_

 

Fragile.

 

Vulnerable.

 

Delicate.

 

Affection.

 

Desire.

 

Words that echo inside his head constantly. Words describing how he feels. Feelings he wishes he didn’t have to hide.

 

Feelings he shouldn’t have to hide. He should be _able_ to let _go_ and allow himself to feel…to be fragile and vulnerable and affectionate around Cas; Allow himself to experience desire, to revel in the strength of his feelings for Cas. To allow himself the intimacy he so craves with Cas, that he’d _never ever admit_ out loud, but in the cloak of shadow, in his dreams, in his soul, Dean knows the truth. Cas _must_ know. Cas has seen his soul after all. Cas _knows_ him. Knows what Dean needs and wants. Better’n anyone. Cas has always taken care of him. Cas doesn’t care that Dean is vulnerable and weak, and fragile. Cas doesn’t care that Dean wants to be taken care of and loved by him. Scratch that, Cas does care, Cas just doesn’t think it’s bad or wrong or feminine for Dean to feel like that. Cas accepts Dean just how he is. Dean feels safe--right--being that version of himself around Cas, and it feels damned _good_. Dean is not afraid around Cas to be, to finally be free and just…just…be…Dean. Is that… who he really is? Is that okay? It sure as shit feels okay. More’n okay. It feels _right_.

 

So maybe it’s possible he’s hiding from the real version of himself who wants to be with Cas, to be handled with care, that’s vulnerable and fragile…and…and…g-g-gay? Does that make him gay? But Dean does like women. It’s just…it’s just, that with Cas, everything feels so natural. It feels natural to want to kiss him, and touch him. To gaze into those beyond beautiful cerulean eyes. The slightest touch from Cas makes him all tingly. Just being near his angel gives him frenzied butterflies in his stomach. 

 

_Sooooo, maybe I’m bi? But, I don’t feel close to women. Not like how close I feel to Cas; about Cas. Well, I like pleasing women. Think I might really like pleasing Cas. I like to look at women. I really like to look at Cas. I watch straight porn, but, then again, I have watched guy-on-guy porn. Got off on it too. Same as I do with chicks. With Cas though. Cas is different. Heh. I bet if I watched Cas touching himself I’d get off on that too. Does that mean I’m gay? Fuck…I don’t knoooow. Do I care? Should I care? It’s Cas. CAS. And shit, Cas is sucking me off. But, again, it’s so different. So, so different. Cas makes me feel so beautiful. Christ, listen to me. Jeez. I’m so confused._

 

What if this doesn’t mean anything to Cas? _What if Cas doesn’t want me? What if he doesn’t feel the way I feel about him? So I’m admitting I have feelings for him now? I guess…Duddin’ matter. Who the fuck am I kidding? Cas don’t feel this way about me. He’ll leave. Oh God…what if Sam finds out? I don’t wanna be alone. I really don’t wanna be alone_.

 

Dean is so panicked and terrified of being left behind; discarded, abandoned. It’s happened an awful lot. 

 

And, that’s what scares him. He knows Cas knows that he…if he… _Say it you fucking coward! Just say it! Say it!_ …Knows…knows… _No! NO! I can’t. I’m weak…pathetic and useless and fragile…I’m a fucking chick. Not worthy of anyone. Not like anyone wants me anyway…I …I’m just fucked up and sick. I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve it. I’m so sick and twisted that I’m letting Cas suck me off….oh god…what’s wrong with me? I can’t even think straight. ‘Cause you’re not straight, moron. I am! Shut up!_

 

Dean is terrified Cas will realize he’s not good enough. That Dean doesn’t deserve to be loved. To have the love of Castiel. _Why the fuck am I thinking about this while getting a blow job? Cause its more than a blow job. You know damn well this ain’t no one nighter. Never in a million years would it be. Shut up shut up shut up!_

 

Dean’ll lose Cas. He knows it. His parents never loved him. Heck, they didn’t even want him. They left. Sam hates him. Sam has left him before. Sam always leaves him. So how the fuck can Cas love him? Why would Cas stay? Why would Cas love him? He’s gonna lose his angel. Just like he’s lost everything else he…he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he, no, scratch that, he _does_ know what he’ll do.

 

He’ll….cut. Dean will…cut the pain away. Cut it out. Slice away the pain until it makes sense. _I screw everything up._

**Author's Note:**

> Finally decided on a title. Apparently I cannot make a decision on tags or summary. Lol I suck at them.


End file.
